You can't translate phrases and proverbs literally because they make no sense. But that's what makes quirky, culturally-specific idioms so interesting, and so hilarious.
The Bahamas: To join the stiff-toe gang
This phrase means that someone has died, and it's probably the funniest way to address the complicated subject of death, while also being scientifically accurate regarding the body's stiffness post-mortem, also known as rigor mortis. The Bahamas definitely know how to make things fun, even when the subject isn't.
Sweden: There is no cow on the ice
In plain languge, this idiom means "no worries!" Freezing as the weather is in Sweden, a cow finding its way to an icy lake might happen. And it's probably reasonable to think that it's a problem, if only for the cow's wellbeing. So, you'll be actually relieved to know that, no, there is no cow on the ice at the moment.
Poland: Not my circus, not my monkeys
Essentially this phrase means "it's none of my business," but with an unexpected circus twist. It makes sense though: why would you be taking care of someone else's circus venture? Sounds like too much work.
Russia: I'm not hanging noodles on your ears
It's an odd way of telling someone that you're being honest, but the phrase means "I'm telling you the truth."
It would indeed be quite suspicious to have someone sneaking up behind you to hang noodles on your ears. But isn't it even more suspicious if they're trying to convince you they're definitely not doing that? A true Russian enigma.
Kenya: Slippery ground does not recognize a king
"Even the most powerful people are just humans deep down." This is one is more wise than it is silly, but it's still a bit comical. No one is above slipping and falling miserably on the floor, and a good tumble is sure to get someone to take it down a notch.